and I need to talk about it.
I know we all have bad runs and blah blah blah, but this was a mental breakdown, not a physical breakdown. In all honesty, my body feels better than it has in months. My iffy ITB and hip flexor are pretty much 95%. My old stress fracture foot feels fine.
I set out for 6 miles, admittedly too late in the morning. It was hot, just like it should be on the last Friday of August in Memphis. And I just couldn't shake the heat. I had my CamelBak but I just couldn't get out of my head.
I barely made it past a mile when I convinced myself I needed to walk. WTF? I'm training to run a MARATHON. Am I an idiot? What was I thinking?
All things I couldn't get out of my brain.
So I stopped. I made it 2 f*cking miles and I stopped. And the crazy thing is that at the time, I didn't even feel bad. I just chalked it up to being too hot. It truly was hot. But I was weak and I let my brain convince me I didn't need to run those other 4 miles.
I came home and realized that I am stronger than this. Maybe I'm not physically strong like some runners, but my heart and desire are strong. I registered for this marathon because I believed in MYSELF. I trashed those weak thoughts and challenged myself to finish the run.
So, I'm going to go out later and finish this. I don't care if I'm running super slow miles. I'm just going to get my 6 miles for the day under my belt. Sounds silly but...
I don't know how to give up.